


Eggplant

by aroseofstone (Adams1422)



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 14:34:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18263300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adams1422/pseuds/aroseofstone
Summary: David Tennant doesn't know what the eggplant emoji means. Who better to enlighten him but Billie Piper?





	Eggplant

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am with another story completely out of the blue! Does anyone still read this ship? They'll always own part of my heart if I'm honest.
> 
> (Warning! There's an allusion to Billie's recent pregnancy here, but I do not go into it in detail at all)
> 
> This was inspired by a panel that David did with Krysten Ritter. He talked about how when he started work for a new company, everyone had to watch a film about sexual harassment (which he thought was very good, obviously) but at the very end, it said "remember, the eggplant emoji is not just an eggplant!" which utterly BAFFLED him. No one enlightened him since they were at a convention and he was still terribly confused, so this idea took hold of my brain! 
> 
> Also, this turned out, like... heavier than I expected? I think it's just the nature of writing for these two, tbh. But I think it's also fun! I hope you enjoy reading it, at least. Okay, I'll shut up now and let you read!

David collapsed against the couch in his hotel room with a heavy sigh. He rubbed his eyes and stretched his back, trying to get the kinks out. As much as he loved doing these conventions, there was no denying that they were very long days. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he dug it out, trying to hold back his irritation with whoever it was on the other end. His heart did the funny little flip that it always did when her name flashed across his screen, all the negative emotions disappearing from his body in an instant.

_Just saw some pics from your con today, Teninch… I hope your jeans are gonna be that tight in Wales too_

She ended the text with three little aubergine emojis, which threw him off entirely. What could an aubergine have to do with the tightness of his jeans? Regardless, his ears heated up at the unmissable implications behind her words. It had been far too long since they got to see each other.

The last time they had managed to get together was a week or so after his birthday, nearly a year ago now. His train of thought drifted leisurely over to that weekend spent in secret, three blissful days with nothing but the two of them. They escaped under the guise of recording something that just so happened to “fall through” at the very last moment, should anyone ever ask why they never saw the project they had been working on. It was a risky manoeuvre, easily debunked, but they’d been desperate for one another. After that visit, he was higher than he’d been in years. He couldn’t remember the last time they got to spend days on end together with no obligations to pull them apart.

Soon after came the message that sobered him up faster than a bucket of cold water over the head. She was expecting again. The thing with this new boyfriend was much more than just a rebound fling, as he had been telling himself. It made him nauseous. Billie never missed an opportunity to point out how rich that was, coming from him. He knew she was right, but that didn’t make it any easier.

So they took up their old pattern. Quit each other completely. For good this time, they always said. And every time, it felt like that was the truth. They’d still send the occasional friendly text message, of course. Normal things that friends texted one another. Funny things that reminded them of one another, congratulations on winning yet another award. In some ways, it was to keep up appearances. If he was suddenly not getting any messages at all from Billie, he knew from experience that it would draw attention to their amorphous relationship. She always noticed when he went too long without giggling at his phone from one of Billie’s outrageous messages. And, eventually, she always asked about it. Wanted to know what could have happened between two friends that was so bad it caused them to cut each other off completely.

Really, though, it was because they loved each other. Billie had been his best friend since 2005 and the mere thought of never speaking to her again replaced his heart with cement and filled his head with angry bees. So, they casually messaged each other every week or so. Nothing that could even get close to crossing a line into flirting. In fact, he would have been more than happy for his wife to read any message they sent during those times. Most importantly of all, they were not allowed to see each other in person. They were both too weak, always had been. All it ever took was one look and suddenly they were all over each other. Roaming hands, panting breaths, nipping teeth.

So yes, no seeing each other unless absolutely necessary. Nearly a full year without seeing her had really begun to wear him down, though. More nights than not he imagined grabbing his phone, calling her up and begging to see her, just for a minute. Just long enough to settle the constant ache that had taken residence in his belly. He couldn’t. He didn’t.

But when his agent called him to let him know that Billie had agreed to do conventions with him two months in a row, all bets were off. He had rung her up instantly, under the guise of discussing hotel and travel plans. The moment she answered, she was whispering filth in his ear and he came alive for the first time in a year. They’d been messaging every day since. He was back to the old habit of tilting his phone to the side every time he typed something out on it. The looks that his wife gave him when she noticed were almost enough to make him toss his phone in the Thames. Almost.

He came back to the present, remembering that he needed to answer her message. He snatched his phone up off his stomach and tapped at it with excited fingers, making several typos times in the process.

_I was thinking I could wear a kilt, actually. So freeing and breezy. What do you think?_

His phone buzzed mere seconds after he hit send.

 _Hmm… ease of access vs getting to ogle you for hours on end before we get back to your hotel room. A real_ (aubergine?) _dilemma for the ages._

Again, despite the random vegetable, David’s whole body was set aflame. Unable to stop himself, he hit the little call button and pressed the phone against his overheated ear. After a couple of rings, she sent him to voicemail. His heart dropped, a hole instantly carving its way into his chest as her familiar, cheeky voicemail message greeted him. He was just about to throw the phone down and go take a cold shower when his phone started trilling in his ear. A huge grin took over his face.

She was biting her lip when he answered the FaceTime.

“Hello there,” David said. He couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face if he wanted to. And he very much did not want to.

“Teninch, you’re gonna kill me one of these days,” Billie said. The glint in her eye made the front of his jeans feel much tighter than they already were.

“Where are you?” he whispered.

“I’m in bed,” she replied, tilting her phone to show him her plush headboard. He couldn’t hold back the groan that rumbled up from his chest. Oh, the stories that headboard could tell. If she ever got rid of it, he thought they might genuinely need to have a memorial service.

“And is he…?”

“Visiting his mum,” she said.

“And –”

“With him,” she said before he could even begin to get his question out. He appreciated it. Saying the words out loud almost always killed the mood between them.

“Hold on” he said, mostly to change the subject to something more light hearted, “what’s with all the aubergines you’ve been sending me?”

She laughed, covering her face with one hand. “Very funny, Dave.”

“I’m serious! We had to watch some film about harassment when I started a job a while back, which was very good of course, but at the end, it said ‘remember, the eggplant emoji is not just an eggplant,’ and no one will explain it to me!”

“Oh my god, you aren’t kidding,” she said, her mouth hanging open. “How many people have you asked about this?”

“Err,” he scratched the back of his neck, “a few? Everyone seems scandalised when I mention it, but no one will explain.”

“You really are getting old, Dave,” she said with another delightful giggle.

“Oi,” he groaned. “There’s no need to be rude. I don’t recall you thinking I was too much of an old man the last time I saw you in person.”

He could just make out a flush taking over her cheeks and he grinned. As ever, Billie hated to lose the upper hand.

“It’s a penis,” she said bluntly, a wicked smile on her lips. He sputtered, his entire face heating up in a bright-red blush.

“W-what? That’s obscene! Wh- who would use it like that? It’s just a vegetable!”

“All the things you’ve been texting me and you’re blushing like a schoolgirl over an emoji?” Billie asked with an arched eyebrow.  

“I guess that’s a fair point,” David grumbled.

“Besides, it’s not like you’ve been going around sending anyone that emoji, have you?” she said. She snuggled down a little deeper into the plush duvet she was wrapped in and his mind went blank. His only thought was of being there next to her, cuddling up beneath the covers and letting her lay her head on his chest. Stroking her hair and kissing her forehead until they both drifted off to sleep.

“Dave?” she asked, her brow furrowed. “You haven’t, right? What on earth would you have possibly been using it for?”

“Oh, no! No, I haven’t. Sorry, mind drifted for a second. Long day,” he said. For some reason, he couldn’t admit to her what he was just fantasizing. Telling her about all the things he’d like to do to her the moment they’re back within ten feet of one another? Easy. Telling her that he wished he could hold her every night, feel her heart beating against his? A bit trickier. Far too messy somehow, he’d always told himself.

“Mm, I know what you mean,” she said with a sympathetic look on her face.

“It’s quite late back home,” he said, checking his watch. One AM in London.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she said, shrugging. “Been thinking about Wales all night. Not much longer now.”

“I’ve been thinking about it, too. All day today, actually,” he admitted. “Could’ve done with a hand to hold through all the madness. It’s not the same on your own.”

“No, it isn’t.”

Something sombre settles over them. Just as he was about to try and change the subject, she spoke up.

“Wish you were here tonight,” she whispered.

“Me too,” he said.

“Not just for –”

“I know.” They couldn’t say it out loud. If she said the words out loud, he knew there was no way he’d be able to stop himself from letting his entire life crash down around his ears. And he’d always been a coward.

“It’s late,” he repeated. “You should get some sleep, Bills.”

“I should,” she agreed.

“And I need a shower.” At that, her face shifted. A leer crept across it and he laughed, relieved that they were back in more stable territory.

“Is that fancy phone of yours waterproof?”

“Goodnight, Billie,” he said. “See you very, very soon.”

She blew a kiss at the phone and he caught it, pressing it against his lips.

“Dave?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t wait to show you just how much fun you can have with an eggplant.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! If you enjoyed it, please leave me a few words :D


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